Nothing Can Save Us
by tenderoni
Summary: Adam reflects on his relationship with Kurt and its aftermath. Based on the song "Show Me Love (America)" by The Wanted.


"_You should've known I love you, though i'll never say it too much"_

I was devastated when I heard that you had been injured; even more so when I found out why.

Some of my friends couldn't believe that you had gone out of your way to confront a group of men that were harassing that poor guy on the street, but it didn't surprise me. You were always the type of person to stand up for people against injustice; while it clearly wasn't on the same scale, the bashing reminded me of the time you defended Adam's Apples from the premier gossips at NYADA, regardless of how it would impact your reputation.

I sent a bouquet of flowers to your hospital room; it probably got lost among the myriad of gifts you received from other well-wishers.

You are an amazing man on so many levels, Kurt. The way we ended doesn't change that.

"_Maybe you didn't get me; maybe i'll never know what i'd done"_

At first, I was angry. I was angry at you because I felt betrayed-you had sworn that I wasn't a rebound, that Blaine was in your past.

Then, I was angry at myself. Honestly, I should've known better; it took me quite a bit of time to get over my first love.

Afterwards, I was mostly confused. What had I done wrong? Did I accidentally put too much salt in the recipe when I baked you a batch of cookies?

Now, I realize that there probably isn't anything I could've done differently. You had unfinished business, and I was in the way of closing the transaction.

_"Now I'm lost in the distance, you look at me like a stranger"_

I understand why we don't really talk anymore. It was probably kind of rash of me to ask you to drop out of the Apples, but I just couldn't handle seeing you every day. In fact, it was the other members who convinced me to do it; since I was tossing and turning in bed for a fortnight, I was knackered during rehearsals and forgot the words **and **choreography during an acoustic rendition of "Love At First Sight" by Kylie Minogue. They even staged a boycott of the Spotlight Diner so that I wouldn't see you during our post-rehearsal meals. Since I'm a senior and you just started your sophomore year, our paths didn't cross much otherwise.

When I found out that your stepbrother had passed away, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to impose by reaching out to you abruptly, but even during our short relationship I could tell just how much Finn had meant to you. I hope you received my card and that it didn't put you off.

_"What it looks right now to me, is you were scared of the danger"_

I understood why you didn't invite me to your teacher's wedding. It was quite soon in our relationship and we hadn't had the exclusivity talk yet. Although I hadn't been seeing anyone else, I couldn't exactly complain if you had been at that point.

It hurt when you told me that you slept with your ex when you returned to your hometown, but I thought that we could work it out. It actually made me see even more clearly: I wanted to make a commitment to you.

It still hurts when I remember how you called me from Lima to break up with me. You told me that Blaine had apologized profusely for cheating on you and promised that he would appreciate you more than he had in the past; in fact, you told me that you were partially to blame for not answering his phone call while you were at work. To show that you were truly devoted to Blaine, you had gotten your high school's marching band to back you in a performance of a classic Beatles love song. I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood; anything I said would sound like a bitter jilted suitor, so I simply hung up.

Far be it from me to judge you for holding onto anything that has provided you with a sense of stability during this past year. I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing if the tables were turned.

_"I could've shown you America, all the bright lights in the universe"_

Although you're the one that's native to this country and I just have a student visa, I've surprisingly seen more of the United States than you have. Aside from some national competitions with your high school glee club (and that one time you joined their cheerleading squad...I still can't believe that those actually exist in America and aren't just a figment of screenwriters' imaginations), you haven't spent as much time exploring.

Sometimes we talked about taking a road trip during our summer break, but it never happened. You told me about the Star Museum in Virginia, where they have one of Bette Davis' stuffed animals displayed next to a pair of James Dean's underwear. Maybe i'll go for a visit one day.

"_We could've reached the highest heights; a different place, a different life"_

I've stared at your relationship status on Facebook and imagined what it would be like if circumstances were different. What if you had said no when Blaine proposed? What if he hadn't proposed in a highly public display that appeared to be simultaneously charming and nerve wracking?

We probably wouldn't have gotten back together. Maybe you would've been single for awhile and focused on your many other endeavors, or you would've taken a shine to one of your many admirers in stage combat class (just a bit of NYADA gossip that made the rounds).

I know you're going to be a star; I didn't compare you to a young Paul Newman just because I wanted to be your boyfriend. (That was only a side benefit.) You've only been going from strength to strength since we broke up: One Three Hill is a stellar trio (I was in the back row for one of your performances with some of the other Apples), and your rendition of "I'm Still Here" reminded me of why I had taken notice of you in the first place.

If you had wanted me to be there by your side, I would have been. I hope that you never feel like you have to fall behind someone else in order to be loved.

"_Remember that night underneath the stars; for a minute I thought the world was ours"_

When we were snowed in with your friends in your loft, I thought for a moment that we could have a future together. It was a fleeting thought: after all, you were new to the city and there were so many things and people to discover. How dare I tie you down when I had gotten the chance to sow my wild oats as a college freshman several years ago?

But for that weekend, everything seemed so easy. It went from Downton Abbey marathons to sex and back again; we even learned how to be quiet enough to avoid Rachel's complaints about being unable to get her beauty rest and Santana's subsequent commentary about how she, unlike **some **diminutive Streisand wannabes, was beautiful even if Porcelain and Tea Bag Potter kept her up all night.

"_All you had to do was show me love…"_

No hard feelings; well, not anymore. I'm graduating from NYADA this semester and decided to pack up and move back to England. One of my mates back home gave me a lead on this audition for a supporting role in the West End revival of _Chicago_. If I get the part, i'll be sure to leave you a ticket at the box office if you're ever in town and decide to reach out.


End file.
